Here is a true story of Heather, a mother of three children from Massachusetts USA. She was living in a notorious part of this state where racial tensions were high. One night, the lights came on in her bed room and thinking that it was her husband, she called out sleepily “turn of the light” The lights were turned off. A stranger came into her room tied her up, raped her and left after an hour. She was shocked and angry. The first thing she did was to go to the room of her children and found them sleeping. Heather consulted her doctor and took some pills as a precaution. The pills did not work and she found out that she was pregnant. There was shame and anger and she says that she wanted to “hurt him” After much thought, prayer and deliberation, she decided to keep the baby and named her Rachel. Rachel is a beautiful child and is different from the other children in her family. Unable to take terrible scar, her husband subsequently left her. She then adopted an African American boy, who became her “brother” I saw the family on the 700 club TV show as special guests. Heather has no anger towards her husband who left her, and also has forgiven the man who raped her, even though she did not know that he felt any remorse!
This story truly moved me. As I was in deep thought, I began to have flash backs of people who have been hurt, misunderstood and truly trampled upon. I thought about the freedom that people have when they truly “release” those who have hurt them. I also thought about the bitterness and anger that seems to persist on those who have not truly forgiven others. There is much that can be said about forgiveness. But his article is not a philosophical discourse on the subject. It is rather intended to dwell on the aspects of forgiveness so that the reader will “see” the release that it brings to any one who dares to forgive. I also though about the very trifle things that people get hurt and so upset about! Why is this? Perhaps it is a poor self image, pride, or selfishness!
Forgiveness Costs
Let’s take off the gloves! It is hard to forgive!! Retribution and revenge is perhaps easier on the short term. But the scar of unforgiveness is like a cancer cell that eats one up ever so slowly! Because hurt now , has become “bitterness” Once this happens, it affects your thought life, and hinders you from rising to your full potential. When bitterness becomes a “root” within us, all sorts of negative emotions spring forth from the depth of our being. We could become moody, touchy, living in a “bondage” that actually causes so much of personal pain and neglect. That’s dangerous and it can kill!
Why is it costly? First of all it “drains you” as you recall the hurts that you have gone through. We can feel so “drained out” that we cannot function normally. There comes a feeling of utter hopelessness, that’s it hard to sometimes fathom it. Secondly, it cost because you will have to “humble yourself’ in reaching out to the ones who have hurt you so bad, so that they will be healed. You ask yourself “Iam the one who is hurting, and being given a raw deal. Why should they be healed?” It is against human nature to forgive. Therefore there is an inner battle that rages between appeasing the anger that we feel in “exercising our rights” and forgiving others. “Revenge is sweet” is what people say, and we do not want the person who has hurt us “off the hook.” This gives you a false sense of control. There is a false sense of “being in charge” when the ego steps in and you feel “good” about being angry. The exact opposite is true. Because when the sun goes down and you go down to sleep, it drains you once again. In fact the Bible is clear that we should not go to bed angry! Why? You sleep but not feel rested, you go to bed angry, and get up angry! Somebody said “he who angers you controls you” Think about that! Thirdly it costs because to keep the peace we have to keep on forgiving! This I think is the hardest part. Sometimes the people whom we forgive keep doing the same things over and over again, and unless there is total victory within ourselves it’s hard to keep on forgiving. Jesus said “forgive 70 times seven” this is not an ultimate number but an expression that we should be forgiving all the time.
This story truly moved me. As I was in deep thought, I began to have flash backs of people who have been hurt, misunderstood and truly trampled upon. I thought about the freedom that people have when they truly “release” those who have hurt them. I also thought about the bitterness and anger that seems to persist on those who have not truly forgiven others. There is much that can be said about forgiveness. But his article is not a philosophical discourse on the subject. It is rather intended to dwell on the aspects of forgiveness so that the reader will “see” the release that it brings to any one who dares to forgive. I also though about the very trifle things that people get hurt and so upset about! Why is this? Perhaps it is a poor self image, pride, or selfishness!
Forgiveness Costs
Let’s take off the gloves! It is hard to forgive!! Retribution and revenge is perhaps easier on the short term. But the scar of unforgiveness is like a cancer cell that eats one up ever so slowly! Because hurt now , has become “bitterness” Once this happens, it affects your thought life, and hinders you from rising to your full potential. When bitterness becomes a “root” within us, all sorts of negative emotions spring forth from the depth of our being. We could become moody, touchy, living in a “bondage” that actually causes so much of personal pain and neglect. That’s dangerous and it can kill!
Why is it costly? First of all it “drains you” as you recall the hurts that you have gone through. We can feel so “drained out” that we cannot function normally. There comes a feeling of utter hopelessness, that’s it hard to sometimes fathom it. Secondly, it cost because you will have to “humble yourself’ in reaching out to the ones who have hurt you so bad, so that they will be healed. You ask yourself “Iam the one who is hurting, and being given a raw deal. Why should they be healed?” It is against human nature to forgive. Therefore there is an inner battle that rages between appeasing the anger that we feel in “exercising our rights” and forgiving others. “Revenge is sweet” is what people say, and we do not want the person who has hurt us “off the hook.” This gives you a false sense of control. There is a false sense of “being in charge” when the ego steps in and you feel “good” about being angry. The exact opposite is true. Because when the sun goes down and you go down to sleep, it drains you once again. In fact the Bible is clear that we should not go to bed angry! Why? You sleep but not feel rested, you go to bed angry, and get up angry! Somebody said “he who angers you controls you” Think about that! Thirdly it costs because to keep the peace we have to keep on forgiving! This I think is the hardest part. Sometimes the people whom we forgive keep doing the same things over and over again, and unless there is total victory within ourselves it’s hard to keep on forgiving. Jesus said “forgive 70 times seven” this is not an ultimate number but an expression that we should be forgiving all the time.
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